Oh the journey I’ve been on lately. I believe I’m 7 weeks into my Fit Camp experience and while I may have lost a couple pounds I have decided…I’d rather be strong.
It’s taken me years to actually believe this and it wasn’t an easy conclusion. It’s not something I said once…It’s something I’ve had to repeat a thousand times. I had to realize that I may not ever get the opportunity to be thin while dealing with the health issues that I do. I have years to go before it may even be remotely possible to lose weight, let alone be thin. But, what I can do now, is get strong.
Stacy Toth is one of my favorite Paleo Bloggers. She does Strong (Wo)Man and competes. She lifts heavy things and is an awesome mom to three boys and has a great husband. I look at her and wonder, if that could be me one day. I’m sure, by her writing, that she also didn’t just decide that she would rather be strong in one moment. It was a culmination of moments. It was a process and it took time and now she can own it and help people like me realize…I may not be a skinny runner….Ever…Even though..I do love running and hope to get to that point some day.
I went into Fit Camp trying to be humble. Open and honest with my coaches/neighbors. I told them, I have health issues that aren’t under control and I doubt I will lose a pound. I just want to work out with others, make friends, and have fun. And…I seriously need to find some people to play Ultimate Frisbee with me again because that was so fun!
So going week by week…Having my moments where I wish I just gave up. Dealing with the soreness. Adding magnesium to combat that. Tweaking my diet. Learning more. Thinking. Reading. Contemplating… I was sitting here…
My kids are about to start school and we all know little kids can be cruel. I went to that toxic thought mode about what if someone made fun of me to one of my kids and they came home upset because a kid said their mom is fat? And…You know I really try to avoid those negative head places. It’s not often healthy or helpful…But that’s when it chose to stick. I would tell my kiddo to just say that their mommy is worried about being strong, not skinny. That’s when I said to myself… I’d rather be strong.
Not that there is anything wrong with being skinny. This is not about fat or skinny shaming at all. I think Stacy put it best when she said that some people are meant to be runners and some people are meant to lift heavy things. And while I love running, did it a lot my last two years of high school….I have to be realistic and know where I am at. I can be strong, even if I don’t have the right chemistry to get the weight off.
I’m not giving up in any way on losing weight. I just think my focus is better served if I think less about a scale number and remember all of the other measures of health such as exercise, getting out in the sun, and eating tasty healthy food and so much more. I’m not giving up on my journey to the strongest version of myself. I would just rather be strong.
-Ami M. Lee