Challenge Updates

Let’s start off with my Yoga Practice. 🙂

It is day 10 of my 31 day yoga challenge. Good grief this is going by fast! As I mention in my last practice I did miss day 6 but luckily was still active. Tonight, it is getting late so I am learning Ujjayi Breath. It’s not all about full sequences. I am also taking this journey to learn more about yoga and explore what I want from my practice. I think deep breathing techniques have proven to be very helpful to me. I’m feeling great. I’m wanting to work on doing a morning and night routine. We’ll see how that goes tomorrow. I just need to take that time to center myself after waking up and before going to bed. I have been sleeping so much better and have less dreams. Which, is an indicator that I am fulfilling my full cycle of sleep. I’ve also been able to keep more calm. Not always. I’m not immune to frustration…especially with three kiddos. I find that I recover and handle things more constructively even though I may be upset, frustrated, or angry.

7 Days of What Went Well

Today is day 2 of What Went Well Week Challenge. I found myself today trying to locate things that I could write about. That’s a pretty amazing, fast improvement in my outlook throughout the day. So here we go…

1- Seeking out positive things to write about.

As I said, pretty easy…I was identifying positive things in the day. I know I’m guilty to get into toxic thought mode. Kids are too loud, kitchen is a mess, husband is asleep and it feels like the weekend will never get here… No, I reminded myself I’m excited for Saturday. Played positive videos. I didn’t just jump into toxic thought when issues with Rylan came up. He was a little whiny this evening…but that leads me to number 2.

2- Positively dealing with Rylan.

I figured since it was so close to bed time that Rylan might get a little upset when his Mamaw came to pick up Maddy (our niece). He was whiny, near crying and I picked him up and tried to get him to wave. Got Madison and Mark to show him. Said encouraging things like, Look! Wave! She’ll see you. I picked his arm and wiggled it around and he smiled. So hard to cry when you’re laughing. He was also whining when Nick left for work but thankfully we were able to distract him with the bed time routine. We’re trying to make a good habit of brushing teeth before bed, going potty, all those healthy night time habits. He went to bed, got his blanket on him himself, and was happy when I told him goodnight. It’s easy to go into toxic thought mode when he does these things…but that doesn’t help him or me. I know I won’t always get it right, but I’m happy for this little victory today.

3- My husband didn’t like my pizza, but the kiddos did.

I tried a gluten free crust. I did kind of mess up and used shredded instead of grated parmesan, but I thought it was really awesome and I had my 3 kiddos plus our 6 year old non-paleo niece actually ate too! And she never eats Aunt Ami’s food! I made sure to give her a big hug for being so kind and eating my pizza. However, Nick did not like my pizza. Why is this under, that went well? I, again, didn’t go into toxic thought world. I know that I liked it and so did the kids. It was super filling. So, I offered up the suggestion of just buying a pre-made pizza crust for him next time. I was offering up solutions instead of being devastated that my husband who is already had more than he can handle of paleo, didn’t like it. I often take those things personal. While I know I won’t always be able to make such good thought choices, I was proud of this and thought it qualified as something that went well.

Thanks for reading. I hope you are doing well. Is anyone else doing a challenge right now? What’s your goals? Share with me below. 🙂 If you have a blog page, I’d be happy to check it out as well.

Peace and Love. -Ami

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3 Things That Went Well Challenge

Yes…It might be a little obvious. I’m challenging myself a lot lately. Sarah Gottfried MD, was one of the speakers I was able to catch speaking at the AutoImmunity Summit that was a little while back. I subscribed to her email list. She is passionate about her work and very educated on hormones.

In this weeks email she talked about one thing she thought could help anyone. Something that scientists even studied saying that most participants in the studied continued to be happier, six months after the experiment, if they just did this…

They wrote down, for a week, 3 things that went well that day. I like the idea because I am thoroughly guilty of laying down to bed at night, if I haven’t just thoroughly lulled my mind into submission with bedtime yoga, of reflecting on the bad things of the day…..and setting out a mission to not let those bad things happen again, or replaying fights with my husband…what could I have said different? How can I have more tact? The list goes on and on…

So tonight is Day 1 of 7. Three things that went well today and why. Today seems like it may be easier than others, but I’m looking forward to seeing the improvements.

1- I didn’t have to spank or raise my voice to my kids. All day!

You may wonder why this is a big deal? I am seriously trying to keep stress and my cortisol levels to the bare minimum. When my kids act up, most times it’s easy to get angry and yell and scream and bam! They’re back at it 5 minutes later. Causing endless amounts of stress. Prolonged periods lead me to panic/anxiety attacks. So. I’ve been really trying to pick and choose my battles and how I handle each one. Our therapist with Rylan mentioned to remember my place of peace and come from there when I’m trying to discipline them. So, I know tomorrow might not be the same, but today, that was a little victory for me.

2- My husband liked the Paleo Banana Nut White Chocolate Chip Muffins that I baked this morning.

I thoroughly believe in this recipe. It is not my own and you can follow over on this link (https://acommonsensecook.wordpress.com/2014/11/21/recipe-review-banana-nut-chocolate-chip-muffins/) and see my review and the original link. Paleo baking is tough. And it’s tough enough having a very anti-paleo husband. So when I very seriously asked him…”Do you like them?” He said, “I might need to try another bite to make sure.” He then proceeded to put the rest of the muffin in his mouth. I said, “So you like them?” And nothing was lost in translation because he very plainly answered, “Yes.” I could have cried…Actually…I’m shocked I didn’t. I knew this recipe was the closest to conventional baked goods I had ever tried. Paleo baked goods often fall short of our life long glutenated flour conditioning of how those baked goods should taste and feel. So that, thanks to my husband…was not just something that went well…but also pretty dang awesome (thank you honey!).

3- I over came a pretty awful headache.

I am the biggest freaking baby when it comes to headaches. I dozed off in the chair while the kids were napping. When I woke up my head was killing me. Thankfully, my kids have learned that when mommies’ head hurts, it’s best to go play and be quiet. With some firm hints to stay quiet, they cooperated. I sat in my chair for about 15 minutes to gain my composure. I was going to get up and make some ginger tea which is anti-inflammatory and really helps with what I usually feel like are sinus headaches…but then I noticed it was going away. I drank a big glass of water. I was able to complete dinner and now the kids are tucked in bed…and just as an addition…

4- Why not…extra credit. I discovered some articles on “No Poo” or not using conventional shampoo.

I have everything to do it. A friend has already told me about how she used to have hair issues just like mine and how much a year without poo has seen such an improvement with her hair. It’s natural. No harsh chemicals. Just baking soda to cleanse and apple cider vinegar diluted to condition. I don’t know what I’ll do with the hoard of shampoo we received after the tornado…maybe donate to friends or the local charity still helping families.

Today’s theme song? What a Day by Greg Laswell. You’ll get it if you find it. 🙂

Peace and Love my friends. If this “no poo” thing works out, I’m sure I’ll come back with pictures and reviews. ❤

Moving On from “Failure”

Three days ago was day 6 of my 31 day Yoga challenge. I am working through the YouTube videos at Yoga with Adriene. I was in a good rhythm, getting my yoga on each day….then came day 6. I woke up in a great mood! I felt pretty good. I felt like I could get things done. Oh boy..the house was going to get clean….and then Nick asks, “When are you going to the grocery store?” I replied, whenever he decided I needed to go. I feel great, I’m not worrying about it.

Then…There’s a Christmas Parade, we find out, later that night…. Cue the horror music. Not at the parade, but the fact that I still have to make a meal list, then the grocery list, drive all the way to Conway…I save more money if I go to two different stores…and I have to be back by 4:45pm to make sure I’m not blocked out. Thankfully, the grocery list process went smoothly…Which is surprising since I could take two days to make a perfect list.

I’m rushing…I had to get gas. I didn’t think I could make it back in time! It was 2:30 and the store is about 45 minutes away! Traffic is awful in the big town near by! So…what did I do? Actually…it’s surprising how yoga can help you in real life situations.

I was trying to breathe long and deep. I tried to “soften the skin of the face” and “relax the jaw.” I know when I’m very tense and anxious, like when driving, my neck and shoulders get very tense. Like Adriene says, we get in that “Mr. Burns” pose. So I tried to remain mindful of keeping my chest open, shoulders back, and head over heart, heart over pelvis…as best I could in a car. I tried to move my neck a little back and forth. Just enough to ease tension, but always keeping my eyes on the road. I think this helped my stress levels and I eventually decided to go ahead, bite the bullet and extra $25 bucks I had to spend at one store (Luckily I saved that much with coupons too.) I safely raced home (driving the speed limit most of the way….I promise!).

Thankfully, we made it home in time! Mainly because…they were running behind. The kids grabbed their coats (because it was super cold) and ran down to nana’s house to wait.

kiddos waiting on a parade

Nana eventually came outside all bundled up and sat on the tailgate with the kids. Madison had the most beautiful princess wave, and I think she’ll be a great parade princess some day! It was actually a good time even though it was beyond freezing outside.

We made it home, kids went to bed. Nick and I watched American Horror Story. Then…I went to bed. Notice anything missing? Yep…I didn’t do a yoga video. Which brings me to the point of my post.

Yes…I missed a day on my 31 day challenge. But, too often I see people beating themselves into a million pieces. Crying and carrying on about each little pothole in the road of the journey. This is the beauty of life, not a wall with a sign saying, You Shall Not Pass! If life was easy, anyone could pull it off. The truth of the matter is that life is work. There are so many twists and turns (PLOT TWIST!) that you truly never know where you’ll end up.

My only point being. Don’t let one slip derail your progress. Don’t quit. Never give up. Never surrender. Have courage to keep going. Hell…maybe it’s because I survived a tornado that literally destroyed everything but my life. Silly things like forgetting one day of yoga seem trivial in the grand scope of my perception.

So, my invitation is for you to decide. Which path will you take my friend? You’re always welcome to come along with me for my adventure!

And on that note…I’ll be working on the page to freshen it up a bit. If it looks a little different, don’t freak out. Just trying to make sure it is readable, and that you guys can find what you need. I do a few other blogs. You can find me all over the place. Twitter, Instagram, Facebook and I’ll try to get you links to all.

I’m also considering doing a fundraiser for the local area affected by the April tornado. I’m wanting to raise money for the families affected to be able to have a weather radio and maybe supplies, for the storm shelter, and spreading weather awareness. It’s another thing that I’m very passionate about. You’ll see come spring time. Of course, if I get the network and support that I need to go through with it, I’ll let y’all know in case some of you lovely readers would like to help out.

So that’s it. Enough rambling and blog writing therapy. Have a wonderful week everyone! ❤

Peace and Love. -Ami

Engaging Change – 31 Day Yoga Challenge

A warning…This next little bit may offend some people, but please understand that isn’t my intention, it is simply my experience in life. Nothing else. I am well aware you may be reading this with different life experiences, and that’s great.

So. One of my biggest “people gripes” is people who think they can pray their life better. Do I think prayer and meditation has its uses? Of course, but I really get tired of hearing about just praying something will happen, or something bad will just go away. What I want to know is, what are you going to do about it? How much responsibility can you lay on a supernatural being, whoever you may believe in? When do you go work towards your goal? So that leads me to today’s post. Engaging change.

Change doesn’t usually knock your door down and say, “It’s me change! You have no choice!” Unless you, like me, have had a tornado come through your house, but that’s neither here nor there.

I have had a lot of emotional issues. My husband and I were fighting so badly and I was in great despair. I still am trying to get over his disregard for my health by wanting to eat conventional food. My feelings are still hurt, but I have to find my own inner happiness to make it through. I am the only one who can make myself happy because outer circumstances are ever changing.

So, to help with my physical well being and mental health, I am wanting to do 31 days of Yoga with Adrienne. She has a yoga channel and she is brilliant at explaining poses. I like that she has a real focus on doing what your makes your body feel good. It shouldn’t hurt. When I was doing DDP Yoga…It was great but it was too stressful on my personal body, and had nothing spiritual to encourage the poses. No method behind the madness. No explanations of how a pose helps you.

Technically it’ll be 32 days if I finish because I did do a great revitalizing flow yesterday, but that, to me, was a setting of intentions. To say, I will accomplish this goal. I am a month and six days away from my big goal of a year without soda. I have endured a tornado, homelessness, food intolerance abounding, dealing with a new house, three children, and my husband being a law enforcement officer. I’ve gotten through a lot. 31 days of yoga, really should be nothing.

To be honest, someone answered a bloggers Facebook asking what their goal was for Christmas, “survive.” I was frankly a little disgusted because Christmas is nothing to survive. I think a more positive attitude could help that person enjoy the holidays instead of dread. Then again, it seems like a lot of people need help enjoying instead of dreading the holiday seasons. Really, I know what it is to just survive and that’s not living. So, this is my engaging change.

I am engaging in change so that I can better myself, my family, and maybe a few friends or strangers. I encourage you to engage in change. Don’t wait for it to happen. Don’t lay responsibility on anyone else.

Today’s the first and I know this blog is new, but on my other blog acommonsensecook.wordpress.com I get comments and feedback and I love it. So…I feel like I’m starting all of my sentences with SO…ha ha ha

Set a goal for this month. Mine is doing yoga and keeping stress low and positivity high. What is yours? Share below! I look forward to engaging with my readers too. ❤

-Ami M. Lee, Journey on the Final Countdown

Depression and Anxiety

I think one of my greatest demons in life is my depression and anxiety. It’s plagued me much of my life and a song lyric comes to mind, “I can’t drown my demons, they know how to swim.” And, that is very true for me. Life, I think, is a constant struggle. There is always a new battle around the corner. But, in the last year, I have found that you can either lay down and die, or you can move on.

I think what makes it worse, in some cases, is when you feel like the environment and energy around you is a constant negative. We don’t always have control over that either. Trust me. My name is Ami, and not only do I have a problem, I’m also a control freak. They say knowing is the first step…I would disagree. I think it’s just who I am and I can’t change it, only learn how to better deal with others, and managing my compulsion to control.

I even see it now in my relationship with my husband. We have the most issues when we’re not in agreement. It usually stems from one of us thinks we should be in control…or more in control of, a certain decision or situation and we both want it to be ourselves.

So how do we deal with anxiety and depression, and not allow our environment to make it that much worse? My answer is simply, in my experience, it depends on who you are. If you like yoga…do yoga. If you like painting…do painting…or drawing, or listening to music, or getting out in nature. There are plenty of bad ideas out there like drugs, alcohol, or food addiction. But, there are plenty of other awesome ideas that can, not necessarily cure you, but give you the lift you need at the moment to bring you back to center. We’re all individuals and have different needs at different times.

I know what works for me is a huge puzzle. I have been pretty emotional lately dealing with a lot of stress and issues. When this happens, I end up in a world of hurt in depression and anxiety. Something as simple as going to the store to pick up eggs can set my anxiety high.

It takes time and practice but here are a few things I do to try to keep positive and steer myself out of depression, anxiety, or negative thoughts/feelings:

  • Redirect negative thoughts to positive ones. Just think of something nice. Usually this can be a subject that you can always think of as nice, or a happy place.
  • Yoga. Conventional yoga that has the spiritual aspect really helps center me and redirects my moods. I feel better able to handle the day when I do yoga.
  • Painting, drawing, writing – All good, creative forms of expression that you can put your mind into and escape the negative thoughts for a while as you concentrate on a positive task.
  • Reading positive quotes, articles, books – What you put in to your mind, is what it will become. If you’re reading a bunch of negativity (i.e. books, comment sections, news articles…) then you’ll adopt that negative way of thinking. You put good in, you get good out.
  • If you need to get away and calm down. Do it. I know as mom’s we’re about the worst to actually do this. But, I have made an effort that even if I go scroll through Facebook, sitting on the side of the tub in our master bathroom, it’s quiet, and I’m taking a few minutes for myself.
  • Clean up your diet. I can’t express how much going Paleo has done for my mental health. I am much more in control and much happier.

I could probably go on for hours, but those are just a few ways I’ve found that works for me. I have discovered though, these positive changes I make in my life doesn’t mean that I will always be immune to negativity, and setbacks.

Yes, I survived what is now believed to be an EF5 tornado. The strongest tornado on the Enhanced Fujita Scale. Yes, I believe I am one strong -blank- lady now. But, It doesn’t mean I’m invincible.

So I guess my best advice about my journey with depression and anxiety, is take time to listen and be still. Meditate. Do whatever you can to listen to your body. It won’t perfect every moment of  your life, but I think you’ll be more easily able to identify issues and direct them in a positive way.

Yoga

The last few years, I have been into yoga. I first discovered it in high school as just something cool to do. After I gave birth to my oldest kiddo Madison, I ended up with a crippling, painful pinched sciatic nerve. I even ended up in the ER one night from the pain. I dealt with this pain for a year. I was unable to get out of bed on my own, or get up out of a chair or pick up my 13 pound baby. I was up in the ungodly, early hours of the morning and discovered a very gentle, candlelight or morning yoga. I scribbled stick men and notes on what to do. I took such and interest that my mom bought me a weight loss dvd. It was so tough, but in a matter of a few months, I was up and moving and recovering.

I learned later that several of the poses were actually working my spine in ways that physical therapists have you move to aid the healing of the spine. I find that the names of the inflections escape me, but there was science to back up my own healing through yoga. Surprisingly, this dvd was in my cd case that I was able to recover from my car that was destroyed in the tornado.

Back in March I started DDP Yoga. Took a break during, after the storm. He kindly sent us a replacement and I was so thankful. I did about two months on the advanced program and gave in. It was too stressful. I was burning myself out because I wasn’t losing weight. I lost several inches, but what was going on with my weight? If you eat clean, and work out hard aren’t you supposed to lose weight!?!?!? I am eating the cleanest ever! In my entire life! I’ve given up all grains and gluten, dairy, sugar, tea and coffee…yea…coffee… I’ll leave my opinion on that for another post. The only thing I drink is water and the occasional cup of tea that is marked caffeine free like Celestial’s Honey Vanilla Chamomile…I think I’m bird walking…Back to yoga.

So yesterday, I realized something was missing and that is why I was so angry. My husband and I got into a heated argument over certain things I wrote and I was honestly hitting rock bottom. I realized that my spirit was starving. As I mentioned, I’m not religious, so I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about my soul, that force that we all seem to have. With DDP Yoga, it was all about the work out and “Hulk it up!” It was loud and hard. What I have been missing and needing is a little conventional, spiritual, healing yoga.

So I started with a detox. 20 minutes. It was tough, but I was able to do it. I have lost a little bit of flexibility in the last month of not working out. My shoulders are a bit sore, but I’m feeling much better. My breaths are longer, my heart is slower.

And that’s a vast improvement because that allowed me when I caught my sons in my kitchen trying to steal food again, after weeks of getting onto them, yelling, screaming, and spanking over and over again; I was finally able to calmly contain the rage that I felt and questioned them on why then had them repeat five times, “I do not go in the kitchen.” I let them know, I was trying to be kind.

Can yoga and the need to not be in such a rage spiral of doom enough to change my actions that quickly? But, that’s not necessarily my worry. My worry is consistency and being able to always be so constructive. As I mentioned, I am not a patient person.

This morning after watching plenty of Adriene on YouTube (YogawithAdriene) I decided that I need a quiet and calm practice. It really helps calm my anger and relax. I almost think of my spirit in colors. When I’m lost, depressed, and angry is black and red. When I’m at peace or positively on fire I am sparkling silver or white, sometimes gold if I feel accomplished. I could feel that transfer in color. So, I decided to do yoga with my kids.

My 3 Baby Yogis

Sitting tall, breathing deep, and listening. Surprisingly my little Markie was the worst listener. Is it because he’s 3? I don’t know. I figure this is a good workshop to encourage listening. Madison has always been my little yoga buddy and I often look back in the mirror at her sitting just like the above, listening to music in a meditation pose. Rylan was very tense. One thing I’ve always notice about Rylan is his shoulder. They’re always hunched. I’m wondering if this could really help open his chest, and that could have an affect on his mental state as well. The experience was impromptu and weird but I gave myself permission to be silly and just try to find what works. We did easy poses, kid friendly. I had yoga music on my phone and we rather enjoyed it, except little rebel Markie and his whiny self.

Don’t ask me why it works. It’s just something my spirit calls me to do. I feel so much better doing yoga, mind, body, and spirit. I really like Adriene because she hits home something I think I’ve been needing to hear. Do what feels best. I’m hoping to start doing a morning wake up and definitely one for in the night. There’s even a short 5 minute relax and stress relief that I may watch about a million times a day.

I’m just starting with this easy to start health goal. I’m sure eventually I’ll branch out with other yoga instructors. I’d love to take a class some where local and meet new people.

So here I go on my mission to fix my problems. Yoga. Health goal. Started.

My Name is Ami…And I have a Problem

So where do you start on a new blog? This is a continuation of a blog I had on blogger.com but I’ve decided, with the success of my recipe blog, that I would begin anew. My name is Ami and I have a problem.

I am a 26 year old stressed out, wife and mother of three. I have extreme anxiety issues, and am incredibly overweight. I am tired, unmotivated, and very alone.

You see my husband is a transport deputy working in law enforcement with hopes and dreams to go to patrol. I don’t expect anyone but other LEO spouses to understand how hard this can really be. Knowing your husband might not come home at any given time. He works nights, and is rarely home. We are not very wealthy, so grown up date nights, or treats to be Nick and Ami, instead of mommy and daddy are very few and very far between. We love our kids dearly, but I think if you think about it, everyone needs time to be a grown up.

I have a five year old daughter named Madison who is the perfect child. She is sweet, cuddly, and my right hand gal. She is polite and kind and loves us and loves her brothers. I rarely have any issues with Madison other than the uncanny high pitch of her voice when she’s singing on and on and on…

My middle son who is 4 years old is my husband’s son from a previous marriage that I adopted. He has really extreme behavioral issues. We are in therapy to help him because his temper tantrums and constant picking and gouging of his skin has caused great concern. I finally admitted to my husband all of my negative thoughts about how much easier life would be if we had let him live with my husband’s mother. I don’t understand him and I am constantly frustrated that he doesn’t jump on board and fall in line with my other two kiddos. He whines and cries to everyone to get his way. I don’t tolerate this, so of course, he rarely acknowledges my existence and often in a day the only words I hear are a reluctant “yes ma’am.” He steals food out of the kitchen and has convinced his little brother to do the same. I am working really hard on this…and this is really why I’m renewing my commitment to this blog. Please spare the judgments. I am working on this. I truly know how bad this sounds.

My youngest son is 3 years old. He is cute, cuddly, and squishy. However, he is in that terrible 3’s stage. He’s getting better at communicating, but I can tell, at times, his biggest frustration is that we don’t understand. He often falls on the ground when he doesn’t get what he wants and cries often if I don’t immediately give him what he wants. I am not the type of mom to drop everything on a dime and bow down to my children’s every will. Patience is something I often try to teach and repeat over and over again…What does patience mean? It means waiting nicely, they reply. But, I feel mentally, he’s just not quite old enough to control himself yet.

And me? Well I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder two years ago. I have extreme anxiety and it doesn’t take much to set me off. Sounds and loud noise, or children being too loud, bother me. Messy rooms, things not staying clean after I just cleaned them. I am very OCD and not very patient. I am a strict parent and I expect immediate obedience. Again..I’m not very patient. I love my kids and I love my husband, but it gets tough being lonely and dealing with so much.

I’m a stay at home mom and while I can be grateful for the time spent with my kids, I absolutely hate being stuck in the house for weeks on end. I do not have any friends that live near by and I do not have money to go visit them. I don’t go to church, and that’s about the only thing to do in this tiny town to make friends. I’m sure money could solve about half of my mental issues, if I could just interact with grown ups, without my kids, with like minded people, once a week. But, sadly, that’s not the case here.

I am not religious. I decided that Christianity was not for me nearly two years ago. Yes, I know Jesus loves me. No, I am not mad at God or rebelling, even though that Pastor told me my house was destroyed by a tornado because of sinning. No. I think it’s too loud, and not enough substance. Or at least not in this local area. I have a wonderful church family that I love, that just happens to be too far away and I know that they still love me, even though I have too many questions to justify identifying myself as Christian. However, Buddhism, which I like and try to read on often, is very close to my beliefs. It gives me much more peace than Christianity ever did. And, it gives me a platform to say, I don’t dislike any religion in it’s generality, it just wasn’t for me and if it leads you to serve the greater good, then good on you. I recently started reading the Quran so that I could see what the big deal was. I was seeing so many negative stories, and turns out…It has the same stories as the Bible. Go figure.

I love my family very much, but my relationship with them has always been strained. I have always felt like the black sheep and that I never really belonged. My opinions are too strong and nothing like theirs. But, like I said, on the occasion that I do see them I do feel a great deal of love for them, especially my aunts and uncles who always tell the best stories. I had a terrible situation happen where my step mom stole money that one of my aunt’s sent for me after the storm, so she’s really dead to me. Which makes it hard to have a relationship with my dad and step siblings. But, I try as much as possible with my dad, because I will always love him. My younger half sister had a baby at 15, and I’m still not quite sure what to think about it. I think she’ll be a good mom, don’t get me wrong…But, I guess I’m still buffering on that. I’m sure I’ll get plenty of hateful stories coming back to me that I’m talking about my step mom…but hey, if other people can scream about saying what they want…My blog. My life. My story.

Oh, so yeah…As you may have noticed. A tornado destroyed our house back on April 27th of this year. Not just destroyed…We never recovered 99.9% of the things we owned. There wasn’t even carpet on the floors. We lived with my husband’s little brother for a month before his wife started fighting with the brother, who complained to his dad, who texted us in the middle of the night to move out. I had to take my kids to my mom’s and had to leave Nick to figure out where to go. He eventually ended up on his female corporal’s couch. No. I didn’t approve of it and yes I trust my husband. Doesn’t mean I have to like what happened. At least he had a roof over his head. A week later, I left my mom’s…Stayed for a week with a friend. And then eventually ended up in a hotel in Conway. We were homeless wanders, me and two kids, for 3 months. We bought manufactured house thinking space vs. price would be advantageous to our situation. Now we’re dealing with a house that is brand new but falling apart because of the poor quality of craftsmanship and materials used.

Back in March my husband decided to order DDP Yoga. I love DDP Yoga even though I haven’t done it in a while. I went gluten and dairy free and within a week discovered an extreme intolerance to gluten. You could see how hard it was when in April, I became homeless from the tornado. Never mind the constant criticism from my family that I was feeding my kids paleo. I am extremely sensitive to gluten, dairy, sugar, coffee (yep this momma can’t have coffee…do you see now why I’m writing this blog if you’ve made it this far?) and I try my best to avoid soy, rice, and corn and gmo’s. Yes, the older I get, the closer to an old Hippie lady I become. I hear it runs in the family. LOL My husband’s family is often clueless, even though my husband’s mom is really doing her best to help out and understand it. Mark, my youngest, is severely lactose intolerant and through becoming paleo, all my kids have become sensitive to conventional food. My kids ate mcdonald’s last night since my husband and I had to go to the LEO Awards Banquet, and now they all have diarrhea and have been in the bathroom half the day. Two steps forward…three steps back…ya know?

Thanksgiving is coming up…and Christmas…I am cooking a big meal for my family and I’m excited but extremely stressed out about cooking a mostly paleo thanksgiving. I will be using gf cornbread, and bread that uses rice flour. This is my superbowl and I will be cooking from scratch. I am stressed because I don’t know how I’ll fit the in-law’s thanksgiving next door into my busy schedule without offending someone.

I am beyond paranoid. Right now I can think of 4 rumors to be started by this post that will eventually get back to me and let me know who is in fact talking about me…Which hell, I’m talking about them. I’m too old for high school drama so I am beyond caring. I am always, deathly afraid of offending people and often hold in too many things….Made even more obvious by this post…I should give people a prize for reading this far! ha ha ha…but not seriously, I’m again…too poor for that unless you’d like a poorly crocheted scarf.

So why am I venting? Because I really needed that and to set as an example the need to write and the need to vent. I get trapped up in my head and the negativity runs rampant. So. What am I doing to combat all the above chaos that has become my life recently? I am going to slow, the, blank, down.

My name is Ami, and I, dear readers, have a big problem. I am stressed beyond the point of sanity. I find myself screaming at my kids and not handling things constructively, and unable to find anything else to do to solve my parenting issues. I find myself resenting my husband for being too busy. I feel lonely but don’t reach out to my friends to ask for a visit or a phone call.

My name is Ami, and this is where I change it.

So here are my health goals to make Ami and healthier person, mind, body, and spirit:

  • Less Facebook and Television
  • More Yoga
  • More Reading on Yoga, Buddhism, Peace of Mind, Paleo
  • Redirect negative thoughts to positive thoughts
  • Listen to Positive/Calming Music
  • Listen to older episodes of The Paleo View
  • Find resources on kind but firm parenting
  • Less Yelling
  • Find something to redirect when I’m angry, but not ignoring the problem

I’m sure the list is much longer, but that is what I have written down. If I want to accomplish becoming the strongest version of myself and being the person my kids and husband and my body needs me to be, I have to slow down. I have to quit reading the stupid posts other people like, but didn’t share, not knowing I can’t help but read the stupid comments.

So. I am saying Good-bye to Facebook, but keeping my blogging. My cooking blog is a joy and a thrill to have amazing people like and share my love of food. I will post on my journey with this blog in the hopes that I can center my thoughts and make them productive instead of destructive. I will concentrate on yoga and being kind to my body…And if THE SUN WILL EVER RETURN TO VILONIA! I will work on getting more sun and vitamin d. I will work on not stressing out. When I do stress out, I’ll redirect to something positive. I have got to do this or I am going to go crazy. And ain’t no body got time for that! Life is long and short at the same time. There are times I really enjoy my life and I would like that time to be all the time.

So this is me. Ami. Trying to fix my problem in a healthy way. Going paleo… I listen to a lot of opinions and I got so mad at that vegan video saying paleo’s are addicted to drugs like caffeine and they can’t sustain their way of life without chemical stimulation. Damn right *explicative deleted*! Because this paleo mom doesn’t really eat sugar, doesn’t drink coffee or tea…This gal is not able to have that vice for when life goes bad. I can have a panic attack because I’ve had a bad day and drink a cup of coffee and chill out. I live in a dry county, otherwise, I would probably drink wine a little too much. This is me. Off drugs. On a journey. So…if you read this 2,300+ words and got this far, pat  yourself on your back for supporting me. Because I am sending you big hugs! Let’s hope this next post will be a little more cheerful. I will probably write again later on Yoga…I found a video on YouTube I want to do that I may share. In this world, I’m ready to switch off…not with drugs, medications, suicide…But with health.

I’m sending you guys love for your journey, and giving myself an inner high five for writing and getting this stuff off my chest. I’ll try to update this page and get the FB page attached if you’d like to follow me further.

-Peace and Love, Ami M. Lee