The last few years, I have been into yoga. I first discovered it in high school as just something cool to do. After I gave birth to my oldest kiddo Madison, I ended up with a crippling, painful pinched sciatic nerve. I even ended up in the ER one night from the pain. I dealt with this pain for a year. I was unable to get out of bed on my own, or get up out of a chair or pick up my 13 pound baby. I was up in the ungodly, early hours of the morning and discovered a very gentle, candlelight or morning yoga. I scribbled stick men and notes on what to do. I took such and interest that my mom bought me a weight loss dvd. It was so tough, but in a matter of a few months, I was up and moving and recovering.
I learned later that several of the poses were actually working my spine in ways that physical therapists have you move to aid the healing of the spine. I find that the names of the inflections escape me, but there was science to back up my own healing through yoga. Surprisingly, this dvd was in my cd case that I was able to recover from my car that was destroyed in the tornado.
Back in March I started DDP Yoga. Took a break during, after the storm. He kindly sent us a replacement and I was so thankful. I did about two months on the advanced program and gave in. It was too stressful. I was burning myself out because I wasn’t losing weight. I lost several inches, but what was going on with my weight? If you eat clean, and work out hard aren’t you supposed to lose weight!?!?!? I am eating the cleanest ever! In my entire life! I’ve given up all grains and gluten, dairy, sugar, tea and coffee…yea…coffee… I’ll leave my opinion on that for another post. The only thing I drink is water and the occasional cup of tea that is marked caffeine free like Celestial’s Honey Vanilla Chamomile…I think I’m bird walking…Back to yoga.
So yesterday, I realized something was missing and that is why I was so angry. My husband and I got into a heated argument over certain things I wrote and I was honestly hitting rock bottom. I realized that my spirit was starving. As I mentioned, I’m not religious, so I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about my soul, that force that we all seem to have. With DDP Yoga, it was all about the work out and “Hulk it up!” It was loud and hard. What I have been missing and needing is a little conventional, spiritual, healing yoga.
So I started with a detox. 20 minutes. It was tough, but I was able to do it. I have lost a little bit of flexibility in the last month of not working out. My shoulders are a bit sore, but I’m feeling much better. My breaths are longer, my heart is slower.
And that’s a vast improvement because that allowed me when I caught my sons in my kitchen trying to steal food again, after weeks of getting onto them, yelling, screaming, and spanking over and over again; I was finally able to calmly contain the rage that I felt and questioned them on why then had them repeat five times, “I do not go in the kitchen.” I let them know, I was trying to be kind.
Can yoga and the need to not be in such a rage spiral of doom enough to change my actions that quickly? But, that’s not necessarily my worry. My worry is consistency and being able to always be so constructive. As I mentioned, I am not a patient person.
This morning after watching plenty of Adriene on YouTube (YogawithAdriene) I decided that I need a quiet and calm practice. It really helps calm my anger and relax. I almost think of my spirit in colors. When I’m lost, depressed, and angry is black and red. When I’m at peace or positively on fire I am sparkling silver or white, sometimes gold if I feel accomplished. I could feel that transfer in color. So, I decided to do yoga with my kids.
Sitting tall, breathing deep, and listening. Surprisingly my little Markie was the worst listener. Is it because he’s 3? I don’t know. I figure this is a good workshop to encourage listening. Madison has always been my little yoga buddy and I often look back in the mirror at her sitting just like the above, listening to music in a meditation pose. Rylan was very tense. One thing I’ve always notice about Rylan is his shoulder. They’re always hunched. I’m wondering if this could really help open his chest, and that could have an affect on his mental state as well. The experience was impromptu and weird but I gave myself permission to be silly and just try to find what works. We did easy poses, kid friendly. I had yoga music on my phone and we rather enjoyed it, except little rebel Markie and his whiny self.
Don’t ask me why it works. It’s just something my spirit calls me to do. I feel so much better doing yoga, mind, body, and spirit. I really like Adriene because she hits home something I think I’ve been needing to hear. Do what feels best. I’m hoping to start doing a morning wake up and definitely one for in the night. There’s even a short 5 minute relax and stress relief that I may watch about a million times a day.
I’m just starting with this easy to start health goal. I’m sure eventually I’ll branch out with other yoga instructors. I’d love to take a class some where local and meet new people.
So here I go on my mission to fix my problems. Yoga. Health goal. Started.